We're all Scottish today! Isn't that just dandy. The 'no' campaigners in the Scottish independence project have encouraged us all to fly Saltires to remind the Scots how much we love them. How much we need them. Like a battered wife in a failed marriage, we suddenly love the Scots now they threaten to leave us.
The desperation of Gordon Brown's sudden parachuting into this affair only goes to show the Scots how low they have been on the to-do list of British politics until now. Alastair Darling, of the legendary eyebrow-Afro clan, has been the face of this sloppy attempt to threaten, berate and now woo the Scots with lunatic promises of funding, regeneration and devolution which they know full well will never be fully delivered. And now the ever impopular blunderbuss Gordon Brown.
What a joke.
The fact of the matter is that this vote is a no-brainer. Ireland has had its fair share of economic trauma since its independence, so have India, Canada, the USA and countless other countries ruled by English elites since the collapse of the Empire. None of these countries looked back in the last crisis, pining to return to English rule. Nobody stood up in Ireland to ask that we revoke independence for any of the reason which are being bandied about in this 'no' campaign, economic or other. Ireland made its own financial mistakes and now has only itself to blame.
Is Ireland a more stable country with greater international influence since independence? Probably not. Has it replaced the infrastructures and institutions set up by the English with improved transport or healthcare? Almost certainly not. But the Irish are their own masters and that has to count for something.
And it does. Simon Jenkins whinges about the 'constitutional panic' over this vote. What constitution? The one none of us really have access to as it's stored I'm the heads of Lords? That is not a real constitution, it's one dreamt up by a bunch of unelected egomaniacs, accessible only under a wig. It doesn't have the real currency of actual ones you find in France or the USA and apply in the way people run their lives.
If the Scots want out, it's precisely because power is still held in camera in this country and they have no real way to influence what the Queen says to the PM over tea or what the Privy Council decides. They want something distinctively Scottish which will give them a sense of true ownership over their destinies. Who are we to stop them?
Turn on any BBC comedy panel show where politics is discussed and you will find the same impolite truths spoken about Scotland. That it is a depressing place where nobody eats vegetables and drunken tramps roam across bleak countryside. Trainspotting also rings true when the main character turns away from a walk in the countryside only to start a brilliant tirade on why "It's sh*te being Scottish". New generations appear with the same sense of reckless loneliness and alienation from a country they have no real opportunities to change without first leaving it.
But the best part about having their own country is, there is nothing to lose! Business will continue to flourish across a border (like it does between the UK and Ireland), debts and scores will be squared (like they were between the UK and Ireland), and voting arrangements will be made (like... seeing a pattern here?)
The only difference is that the oft-disillusioned youth of a country full of people who want only to determine themselves and their own identity will get to do just that.
So tear up your 'constitution' and start again, Britain. Scotland is leaving. If you love her, you will let her go.