Skip to main content

RELIGION: My monthly flirt with Mr. DimWitness

I do love a good dose of Armageddon with my morning coffee. When I walked up Barnet High street, a man in a fancy suit gave me a coy smile. But I'm just not sure my flirtation with my local Witness is working out.

Dearest Mr Dim Witness, I'm disappointed. If you are going to flirt with me by handing me your glossy leaflet, distributing it to every other passer-by in the very public high street is just not on. I'm sure you won't mind my little review.

So, dear readers, here we go. First among this month's dazzling topics:

- If the Bible is from God, should it be able to endure any threat to its existence?
Any guesses as to the answer of the first question? Perhaps the Bible's many reeditions, translations, conflicting statements about the most foundational statements regarding the birth of Jesus in the Gospels of Mark or John or the number of days in which the earth was made in Genesis; any of the former would encourage the Witnesses to take a critical crowbar to their Bible and let some light shine in. They might look to Israeli archaeology which - against all expectations - debunked many of the claims to historical accuracy in the Bible. God knows (pardon pun) the Israelis had every interest in coming home with evidence supporting the reign of King David. 

Perhaps the Witnesses accept the complete lack of a historical record of the life of Jesus for 100 years between his purported death and the first mention of him in writing? Let's see:

The Watchtower's article is presented like a piece of scholarship with citations to support its central claim that "the Bible has survived because it is the unique Word of God". Where are the citations from? The Bible, of course. 

So the Bible proves the Bible, of course. If you're still in any doubt, there's a kind, fluffy-looking Asian gentleman who looks just like you, with the inset quote "I am now convinced that the Bible I have is a gift from God".

Faizal (as you can see on the right hand column) believes it, so it must be true. He even tells you why. Here's the bit I underlined with my pretty pink pen. Hold tight folks, this is the highlight of this month's Watchtower brilliance:

Faizal, quoted in the opening article of this series, eventually decided to investigate these claims for himself [i.e. the Bible is the unique Word of God] by studying the Bible. 

Isn't he a clever one? I digress...

What he discovered surprised him


He soon learned that many of the teachings that are prevalent in Christendom are not found in the Bible.

No. Is he really going to question...? Nah! Those dapper Witnesses had you fooled for a minute too didn't they?

"After all, if God can make the universe, would he have the power to give us a book and preserve it for us? To say otherwise would be to limit God's power. To limit the power of the Almighty - who am I to do that?"

{sigh}. For a minute there, I really thought he was going to think for himself. Oh Witnesses. You are such sly foxes. I might even start to like you.

Until I read the next article.

- Is a world free of violence possible?
Just when I was about to invite my local Witnesses out for coffee and cuddle them for nearly getting Faizal to think for himself, you go and do this.

I'll cut this one short to save readers the pain of reading through the whole answer. Basically, yes.

A world without violence is near!

The Bible promises that God will soon cleanse this earth of violence. Today's violent world is facing God's "day of judgement and destruction of the ungodly people." (2 Peter 3:5-7)

{Head in hand} We were so close.

Dearest witless Witness. It's not me, it's you. You stand suited and booted on my High Street distributing this literature not to the converted or even Christians, but to everyone. You live in a country where well over 52% of people admit to being nonreligious when asked in a census (the real figure of nonbelievers too frightened to tick the right box is much higher). And still you seek to convert me by telling me God is convicting me without trial for being ungodly. His Day of Destruction makes you weak at the knees with apocalyptic, eschatological glee, and you haven't offered me, or "Faizal" if he's real, the shreddiest of shreds of evidence of his existence or righteousness.

It's simple: if God doesn't give clear, convincing evidence for his existence but wishes to 'destroy' me (your term, not mine) for being unwilling to believethis contradictory pseudo scholarship founded on the dreams of Iron Age goatherds, then he is either evil or foolish. Either way, by your own portrayal of him, I'm better off not trusting him.

This just isn't working out, my darling Witness. I think we need some time away from each other.

I suggest you take a holiday in Saudi Arabia. They love God there.


Popular posts from this blog

COMMENT: Rivoli Riding - why a Carpentras cinema has me needing therapy

"I don't know how to feel about this, whether to love it or hate it. I just don't know". And in one breath, a petite, gleeful Dutch lady smashes the quiet discomfort of a room full of viewers, mulling over the contradictions of the film. Chloe Zhao's The Rider is a semi-documentary-part-fiction, favourite of 2017 Cannes film festival, and swept up awards in Deauville, Toronto and more. The hubbub begins as the Carpentras anglophiles sit around a cluster of café-parisien-style tables on which glasses of Cotes-du-rhône red wine, bowls of snacks and steaming slices of (homemade) pizza are magically appearing, like a tiny, stylish Hogwarts school of arthouse cinema wizardry.

"But the photography..."
"And that actor, playing himself! How did he even..."
"Well, the director got a standing ovation. She's Chinese."
"Remind me, Laura, I need to give you a book"
"Did he play himself?"
"The horses... How do you say 'd…

BARNET HUMANISTS Episode 1: Free Lunch?

Barnet Humanists!
Weekly secular lens on news, reviews and interviews of kids and grown ups on ethics and politics, books and flicks, and whatever makes us tic.
Host David (a Humanist Dad in North London) interviews kids - the Mini-Humanists - each week with a topic to get them thinking critically. I believe that by discussing the big questions, kids are better equipped to deal with an increasingly secular world, so if you're a Humanist parent or just interested in how to foster good critical thinking, this show is for you.
Some episodes will feature a me-rant, others an interview (if I can get Skype working). Others still will review a book I find relevant to current Humanist topics.

This week's show.

 The me-rant: I walk through a London park, yammering about politics, being a Humanist Dad, the Manchester attacks and other topics that cross my brain The Mini-Humanists chat about school dinners
Tweets are welcome @Barn…

Episode 9 - Satanism: the devil's harlot

This week's show is an interview with Leopold Pan, spokesperson from the London Satanic Temple.
What is Satanism?TenetsAtheist activism vs satanist religionChildren's rightsSacrifices?Political activism and plans

Reason is the Devil's harlot, who can do nought but slander and harm whatever God says and does.
German: Vernunft … ist die höchste Hur, die der Teufel hat …
— Martin Luther, Last Sermon in Wittenberg, Second Sunday in Epiphany, 17 January 1546. Sources: Dr. Martin Luthers Werke: Kritische Gesamtausgabe, (Weimar: Herman Boehlaus Nachfolger, 1914), Band 51:126, Line 7ff; Martin Luther (1483-1546). The Internet Encyclopedia of Philosophy.; H. L. Mencken, Treatise on the Gods, p.  244; Christopher Hitchens, God is Not Great, p. 73.